One thing that I was asked repeatedly after the article about me went public was… How did I find my husband? Was it a spell? Cosmic ordering? Vision boards? Abduction? Entrapment?
Now, a word of warning. You should NEVER attempt to affect someone’s free will with Witchcraft for whatever end. It never works out the way you want to and is damaging to yourself and others. Love spells and potions are more about enhancing how you feel about yourself or gaining insight into a situation. Forcing another person to do anything is not what I am about and also, why would you want to? That’s not love. Love is a gift given with honesty and respect.
So, that being said. In a sense, I did cosmic order him. I wrote down in my journal all of the qualities I would need in a partner if I was ever going to put myself out there again.
This wasn’t a conscious action at the time (in truth, it was a friend who pointed out what I’d done). I was reflecting in my journal about all the heartache I had suffered and inflicted on others by compromising myself and expecting others to do so. I was reminding myself of some advice given to me by a very wise woman ‘you get what you settle for’.
I would like to point out here that I do not regret any part of my relationship journey. Regardless of how things have turned out. I am who am because of the journey I have taken, the people who I travelled my path with and the lessons I was given to learn. Jor do I believe in soul mates or that there is a ‘one perfect person’ for you. Relationships are to help us grow and heal. We are all of the love we have ever had and ever given. I recognise this. Despite some of those lessons being painful. I am grateful for all of it. I hope that if you ever felt the painful sting of betrayal, you are brave enough to heal yourself and brave enough to love anyway.
In order to manifest something (partner, job, money opportunity etc) you must first identify what you want. In acknowledging it and aligning yourself with those desires you shift your path already.
Ask yourself what you want and why, then ask yourself if you are asking the right questions. We all have our own traumas. If you are seeking a partner to fill a void in your life please believe me when I tell you it won’t work that way. And if this is what you discover in your musings then you must first learn to love yourself. I often get frustrated when people tell me ‘I am so lucky’ to have found someone so well suited to me. It was NOT luck that brought us together. First of all I did a fuck tonne of work (and it was hard! ) on loving and understanding myself, then I identified what I wanted and refused to settle for less.
The second part of manifesting your desires is following the clues and path ahead of you. There is no point asking for increased opportunities if you turn them down for lack of courage. The universe responds to brave actions. You might end up heading down an unexpected path but if you have the strength to follow it, you will arrive where you are meant to be.
The C.V and I met on a popular dating app. He lived an hours drive away and was enthusiastic enough to drive all that way, on a whim, to meet me. This impressed me. It was late. He also had to drive back again because of the dog. The more time we spent together. The more I realised that he had everything I had ever looked for in a partner and then some. No compromises for either of us to make. I have a full cup, he has a full cup we go along our path together but do not rely on each other for happiness.
In short. The title of this piece may be misleading. In order to find your true love. You must first love yourself. That is a power no one else can give you. And once you have achieved self love. You will feel comfortable in refusing to settle. Not because others are unworthy but because you know what you want and have the strength to hold out for it.
I’ll leave you with this poems from one of my favourite poets Nikita Gill (if you haven’t heard of her please have a look. Her work is very empowering).
You are not some holiday destination for people to have a good time in, and then forget.
You are not a grave for people to bury their pain inside, never to be remembered again.
You are not a piece of toilet paper. so why are you letting other people use and dispose of you?
You are made of magic, don’t you dare allow yourself to be treated like you are any less. Be gentle with yourselves my witchy darlings. Peace out.Nikita Gill
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Love Kate xxx