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Gothpunzel: a rant on body positivity and choosing your battles.

Some of you may have noticed or been following my hair transformation from frizzy hedge to glossy mane. Today I thought I’d write a bit more about it, not only my hair but the magic of feeling confident with your own blessings, letting go and embracing what is meant to be.

Oh hair, it’s such a big part of how we see ourselves, our confidence, our need for control the amount of times I used to lose my shit because it wouldn’t behave.

My freshly washed do.

I’d always had issues with my hair, or atleast I thought I did. It was untameable, (it often has spiders and sticks in it these days and I welcome them), I couldn’t get it to look like Rachel from friends, it was the 90’s straightening was a big thing! It didn’t swish. As a child it went from very long, to a bob and then I grew it out again. My mother is a big advocate for bobs, probably because she was the one who had to deal with my hair (and disappointment with it) daily, I have a round face and wild hair, bobs are not my friend.

I died it black as a teen but the upkeep was impossible. I had synthetic dreads for a while which looked FUCKING AWESOME! But again the upkeep was too much, when I took them out I felt like an 8 year old girl again, plain. Vulnerable. So, I found a colour which I felt matched my personality (white with a black stripe. I am cruella de goth. there is a song) with the help of my very patient hairdresser. I still couldn’t get it to do what I wanted but it suited me more.

Everyday I would brush out the tangled insanity I awoke to, douse it in exotic, expensive oils and then tie it  in plait it until it calmed down from the trauma. By 11am it had done some of that but not much. I went through a period of stress and it all snapped off. I was devastated. Looking back I see the connection between what was happening in my life at the time; battling to hold onto things not meant for me; and how I’d been treating my hair, putting so much effort into trying to make it something it just can’t be.

Sad hair. Happy Billy Dog.

Now, I mentioned the 90’s, body positivity wasn’t a thing. I didn’t fit into any of the moulds society said were beautiful. I couldn’t have named a thing about myself that I liked, which, looking back now makes me so deeply sad. Especially knowing that others felt that way and still do.

Not anymore, it’s been a journey, I took extreme measures and started life modelling to overcome my dislike of my body. Something I think everybody should do atleast once. I stopped feeling that having love for myself was vain or shameful or that only others could give me what I was craving. If anyone tries to put me down for my confidence I remind myself it comes from a place of projection on their part and it is not something I have to engage in. When I feel jealousy stirring I address it with self exploration and positivity, which takes practice . Anyway, I digress, back to hair.

Recently I discovered the curly girl method (look it up!) I can’t seem to determine the exact origins of it but there’s a lot out there. So I switched. Turns out my hair is wavy/curly and I was abusing it. I was 30 and I’d been doing my hair wrong my whole life! I felt liberated, happy with my gloriously unruly locks. I don’t argue with it anymore and it’s SO happy.

Finally it all seemed clear. It wasn’t me or my hair that was ‘wrong’ it was how it been doing it. And again the connection was made:

I am awesome and beautiful! If things aren’t working, if you’re unhappy and things feel like a battle you never seem to win. Surrender. Change your mindset instead of trying to change the nature of things as they are. Acceptance is the first step to awesome.

There are many magical assistances you can invoke. Self love being the first one. With that in mind, kitchen witchery can be applied to beauty products in the same way as it is recipes. Herbal remedies can help with all manner of things from eczema to hair care (recipe for my Magic hair gel here) and the act of making something for yourself or a loved one, holds more power than spending money.

Start by nourishing what’s inside, then nourish the outside, spread that nourishment onto everyone else and glow so fucking bright together we undo all the wounds the 90’s (or other toxic perspectives) did to our impressionable young selves. Spread the word, whatever your gifts are: Beauty is not ‘one thing and not another’. It’s loving what you are. Every freckle and every flaw is yours to love. Love is a powerful magic, so are acceptance, confidence and gratitude.

To love one’s self, is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

Oscar Wilde

Peace out Witches!

Love Kate xxx