I have often been told I am ‘too much’ for some people, or asked to tone myself down. This used to really get me down. Particularly if it was by a loved one. Generally it is before entering in a new group situation and people were worried my muchness is too much for the company they were introducing me to.
This rant is two-fold really. Firstly, I am very comfortable with who I am. Proud actually. I am a product of all of my experiences good or bad. I have my Mother’s lack of subtlety. I have siblings and we are all loud, this often happens because you have to make space for yourself. We love each other fiercely and even when we are not getting along we try to communicate our feelings with out blame placing and name calling. We are all pretty funny eccentric individuals and we surround ourselves with similar people.
My tribe accept me and I them. When we are all together I appreciate we can be intimidating (though we don’t mean to be) you would struggle to find to another group of such diverse people who are so open and honest. There is no backstabbing. We accept our flaws and mental health issues, poor choices and unusual passions. Nothing is taboo between us. When someone is struggling or lashing out, we love each other through it. To me this is what life should be about and these loud, freaky motherfuckers light me up.
Now, in my opinion 95% of the time, if someone has an issue with you as a person, your fundamental being, it is because something in you triggers an issue they have. It’s rarely about you (unless you have fucked up in which case you must take responsibility for it.) generally with me it is my unrelenting honesty or confidence. Things I value and have worked for. I don’t believe in taboo. I have a job to do in this life and I do it by talking openly. (here you are reading my open minded views) Emotions, mental health, sex, trauma, my past mistakes, my unusual interests, society culture, my flaws. All of it. I believe in talking to strangers on trains. I believe in not being ashamed of who I am or who/what I love. You don’t get to pick and choose the parts of a person. Love them whole or make space for someone who will.
I appreciate this is ‘too much’ for some people. But I will not lessen myself to make others more comfortable! Within reason of course. I’m not going to talk about dildos while having dinner with your nan. I’ll try to choose my words appropriately to get my views across. I am not aggressive only passionate. (I’m a big softy, I cry a lot and I’m not ashamed of that either).
I am this way because I don’t want anyone to ever feel as bad as I have in the past when someone has shamed me for simply existing. I believe we can set an example and allow others be themselves too. Fly your freak flag and attract your freaky tribe. Whatever your passion is don’t feel you have to suppress it to make others more comfortable. You are uniquely awesome. Be fucking brave about it and others will accept you. Which leads to the second part of this rant…
We are not going to like everyone we meet. And that is OK. Sometimes we are just not compatable. we grow and change, we can even grow apart from old friends and that’s OK too. I’ll give you an example; I swear a lot. Not at people or in a name calling way. I love language and words. I sprinkle swear words in my sentances like hilariously raucous glitter. I grew up in the military. I also grew up very fast. I have older brothers. I also work with children and go all day without swearing. I don’t use fake swear words around them I just express my feelings instead so after work I tend to swear more. Some people find this uncomfortable. fair. I get it. And if I feel I should, I will try not to but; when I’m comfortable I’ll swear, the more I like you the more likely I am to swear at you. If you can’t accept that then it is your responsability to leave or not talk to me.
At no point is it acceptable for any of us to oppress someone else. What gives you the right to be so cruel. If you want to talk and we can try to understand each other better, I am open to that. I don’t have time for racism for example, you’re entitled to your views. I may try to change your mind and if I can’t I’ll leave you to it. Its OK to not like a person for whatever doesn’t resonate well with you. I’m not saying racism is OK. If you keep hearing the same thing about toxic beliefs you might want to consider changing them but again. I don’t care. I just won’t engage with you and likely not many others will. Your choice.
It is NOT OK, and I can’t stress this enough, to ever give them shit for being themselves. Me included. There are people I don’t like. So I don’t engage with them unless I have to and when I do have to, I am civil and try to be kind and understanding. Isn’t this all any of us want? To be allowed to be ourselves. Isn’t that what we tell children? To be themselves.
So, be yourself whatever that entails. Be so unapologetically yourself that you inspire others to do the same. If you find that you can’t handle someone or you are not compatible. Leave that person alone. Don’t engage with them. It is your responsability to remove yourself. Not theirs to make space for you (especially if you try to force it). Maybe do some exploring as to why you don’t like it. Basically. Don’t be a dick.
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Peace out witches.
Love Kate xxx