The final section of the Elder Futhark are said to be the journey out of the dark and towards enlightenment, spirit and higher truth. The last rune in this set being ‘a new day’.

Tyr and Zisa

Tyr, as described below is the Norse God of justice and sacrifice. Zisa is a Germanic goddess of harvest and sovereignty. Some sources point to Zisa being wife of Tyr. Here we have the balance of these masculine and feminine archetypal energy to create and bring about greatness. Having done a lot of work around connecting with an balancing the various archetypes within myself I already feel a lot coming through. I love it.

Tiwaz/Tyr

Tiwaz has a lot of symbology in it firstly as the rune of Tyr the Norse god of war, justice, regulator and protector of warriors, and warrior I feel I am.

Tyr reminds us to be courageous, that we may need to make sacrifices to achieve what is required of us. He sacrificed his hand to Fenrir, eater of worlds to create opportunity to bind and subdue him. Tiwaz can also be a spear or sword, speaking to the directive force and action, success in battle and the confidence of feeling ‘armed’, the feeling of going into something feeling better able to face it, it is often used as a protection rune.

This week brought greater forward momentum for me, the growth of summer coming in fast. I found myself having to re-centre and re-frame my ideas about time management and what could be achieved. I felt like I’d been burning the candle at both ends, and yet I don’t party or socialise very often at all. This life of greater solitude in theory is restful, but I was holding a lot, clearly.. I recognised I had a lot of plates spinning, A lot feeling like it was calling for my attention getting my CIC set up, navigating the open mother wounds, working, building the medicine garden still adjusting and trying to fit it all in. It wasn’t sustainable. I was going to have give up some things, or at least the idea of what the I could realistically achieve as one person. Tiwaz calls for commitment, feeling committed to making it through this season of transformation, what could I arm myself with? where was I leaking power?

Tiwaz also speaks to sacrifice, Not quite a giving up of a hand but the beginnings of acceptance that my life was different now and I can’t straddle all these worlds. I didn’t want to give it up the freedoms of my old life. I fought hard for it and I wanted to have it all. Could I have it all? When would it begin to feel like I was succeeding? for now, I understand I had to battle on.

During this week I had set myself two seemingly simple tasks (amongst the others). To bake a cake for landlords Birthday, I am notoriously not great at baking but I have practicing allowing myself to be bad at things and even fail. Also landlord loves to tease me so, if the cake was bad (which it was) he would have the gift of playfully winding me up about it.

I also wanted to revisit the repair of my bell tent. There is a story here; When I got married, we were gifted money to buy said tent. We spent good money on a good tent that was meant to last a lifetime. It wasn’t solely his responsibility to take care of it, but he had said he would, and I let him have that. unsurprisingly, he did not and it suffered damp and mould, it had completely rotted through in some places. When we were still trying to be amicable we tried to repair it. The intention was to do this together, we attempted. For me it was an opportunity to see how our energies worked together now we were separated. Turned out the answer to that question was ‘not great’.

Looking back at that day I laugh at the obvious symbology of trying to repair our relationship. He wouldn’t listen to me, believing himself more knowledgeable and superior. Insisted on challenging me at every opportunity. He pushed boundaries and said some really misogynistic things about how he saw our dynamic. I, having had some space and distance was already growing in strength and confidence of my own masculinity.

We wasted time doing it his way, which didn’t work, had some arguments, I came away with the conclusion I found his energy repulsive and we weren’t compatible as friends. The whole tent situation started to feel like one big metaphor for our marriage.

I took the tent away and got to work on it myself, spent a bunch more money and time on it only to get to a point I felt it wasn’t going to get worse and I could revisit it. So this week I took it out. It hadn’t gotten worse but it was just so sad to look at, Even if I patched it up, this is what it represented to me now. I found I didn’t want to put more effort in to salvaging it. I sat on the ground, feeling embittered by the whole thing, that I would also have to pack it down and lug it to the tip.

What a waste, or was it? I thought about the battles I had one, the tent a casualty in it. I started to think about how my life could have turned out if I hadn’t found the strength to walk my own path. Facing upto to my ex husband awoke my own masculine warrior archetype, for that I am grateful. Letting go of this thing would make space in my life for better suited things throwing it away and getting a new one that is all mine, untainted, that I would take care of now a metaphor for my relationship to self.

I let it go, all of my feelings towards him and that part of my own story and choosing with it. In truth, I could have taken care of it, I only didn’t because I was already doing a lot and took him at his word that he would. More fool me I guess. lesson learnt.

I let it go, bled, shed and took to resting knowing future me would have the tent of here dreams one day. As I write this, nearly a full year later, I am running a birthday crowdfund to get my dream tent, so if you are reading this and are the sort of person who who would buy me a drink for my birthday, perhaps consider pinging me the money instead. Here’s a cheeky link because hey, if you don’t ask you don’t get. Perhaps some of what I let go of that day was my pride and ego. Not traits I want to cultivate in my own inner warrior.

Berkano

Following on from such masculine energy we now have feminine to balance it out. Berkano represents the birch twig, budding life, rebirth and growth. It is the rune of gestation, home, family and the germinating of seed. This often ties to fertility and the experience of growing and birthing something. I sat with Berkano and saw this was how I felt about the new path I am walking with Rewylding. Trying to keep myself nourished and steady while it germinates. Not yet feeling like it was out there in the world yet. This week also brought more to a head in my journey with my own mother and my mothering of myself.

I had my therapy session. I felt accepting of what I needed to do. One last attempt at being understood. If that portcullis was to come down anyway, I wouldn’t just let it without trying again. I had drafted a message, had it read by loved ones to ensure it included and read only what I needed it to, that i had expressed myself as well as one could, I have done much work in developing emotional intelligence and good communication . I ran it by my therapist too.

Sadly, I awoke to some really tone-deaf nonsense from my mother about millennials and relationships to their parents. I won’t go into it apart from to say it pushed me so far from feeling seen, heard or appreciated. This was it, I either stand my ground and let that door close or continue to live in a way where I could have the rug pulled out from under me at any given moment. De railed, dysregulated, disrespected. I have to chose myself, what I am birthing, it is my time to step into my mother/huntress stage of life. To be reborn into my own becoming. Starting with saying what needs to be said. I sent the drafted message and asked for grace and gentleness, also time for myself.

Once again I was being asked to hold space for my grief, to mother myself through the pain of feeling unmothered and unlovable. That ugly duckling story, but I know I am not a duckling now. In the unfurling of my wings and finding of my place, I have to let go of the unacceptable duckling. I lit a candle and sat with Berkano.

I asked to feel held and was reminded of the ways I was held by the Great Mothers. Freya and Hekate have walked with me since childhood. When I was alone and unable to find my place at the age of 8 we had dog, Bonnie, the ‘family’ dog, but my dog. She slept in my bed, she grew with me into early adulthood and moved into my 1st adult home. My kin. My stepfather was also violent to her. I was reminded of how my mother tried to tell me I deserved to abuse, that I was a ‘horrible teenager’ (it started at age 7) I was able to hold onto the knowledge that Bonnie wasn’t. She didn’t deserve it, nor did I, nor did any of us.

Dogs, especially black dogs are Sacred to Hekate. I have Bonnie’s ashes still and her collar and a picture of her on her last day on this earth. She made me feel less alone in the loneliest parts of my childhood. I still feel her with me. Brown eyes in the dark, watching over me.

And later came Pandora, the cat I didn’t want and am allergic to. An abusive relationship in my 20’s brought her to me. Another familiar to steady me on my Path, Sacred to Freya who has always loved me. I know that what happened to me was wrong, perhaps it is also unavoidable, something I was destined to go through and overcome. Though I felt unmothered, I was in other ways that where harder to see the. I always felt it though, support from the wilds and more than human kin when I needed it most.

I found myself reflecting on what this rebirth of mother to myself would be. How it feels to take on that mantle more fully. Huntress of my future, rebirthing myself free from the stories others need to paint over me to feel less rattled by their own. Sad but freeing. It felt right to step forward into it. No point trying not to. Growth will happen anyway. Hesitance won’t help me grow as I mean to. So I turned my head away from what was and choose to look ahead instead.

Ehwaz

Ehwaz is the twin hero rune, the bringing together of two energies. I see a bridge. It is speaks to horse, I was excited to meet this one. I have worked with horse and horse energy my whole life. I worked with horses in my teens, it gave me so much when my life was so tumultuous and confusing. I feel like much of British culture hasn’t retained the respect and reverence we are meant to have for horses. The have power and medicine, once an integral part of our lives and infrastructure.

Ehwaz brings speed upon our journey and potential for advancement, it can represent loyalty, partnership, kinship and also the spiritual journey that horse can also facilitate.

last week aside, I must continue on my road. The website for Rewylding went live, it exists in official and digital realms. Birthed into the world.

Women’s circle’s resumed on the land with the addition of some new members who brought new interest and connection. We shared, bonded and laughed though painful understandings of similarities in our journeys. This is kinship, particularly between women. We supported each other in clearing space, putting ground between ourselves and these old stories that were never ours to carry. My focus now shifting to what lies ahead, I choose to live.

Acutely aware my birthday was approaching, I put some energy into embracing experiences, to start living with this new focus. And then, as if to soothe all of my crusting over wounds at once I was met with a surprise.

It came in the shape of my beloved ‘trashpanda’ (her real name is Becky but she has feral racoon energy), a soul sister who has been living in Mexico for years now.

The DG had organised it with my landlords. Landlady asked me to see to a car at the gate. I  was hot and tired and bemoaning why I was was being asked to do this, it was an odd request when she had just walked past it to get to me. I turned the corner and there, sat on the gate was my Panda. fetched from the other side of the world, she came with nothing but a carrier bag of gifts for me and a plastic trumpet. God’s how I love her, how I am loved and held. My wild kin. I cried a lot. I find surprises overwhelming. And receiving. This was a big turning point for me. To hold it all. To be carried by it. We went out to a party in my favourite pub which had also been organised. Most of my tribe, my beloved’s had been hiding this for weeks.

Ehwaz brought me back to comfort of my ‘herd’ of feeling less alone and so loved. I am crying again as I revisit this week. One I will carry in my heart for eternity.

Mannaz

After horse, comes the rune of humanity. I loved the way this was all unfolding. My birthday a great time to throw myself in exploring and  building on how I felt about it all. I had planned to attend a little festival held by some locals I am acquainted with. I don’t know them well enough to name friend, but they are beautiful, vibrant, musical hippy folk. One of my partners is more part of their scene. It was being held on a stunning little organic veg farm in Cornwall and was sexy vegetable themed. We got Panda a ticket so she could join us. Lucky me, both of my partners, my Panda and a lot of shenanigans to be had. I love festivals especially intimate community created ones like these. A chance to rub up against other lovely humans, share experiences and come out somewhat changed. They are portals and I embrace them as such. With Mannaz in my heart and mind I let myself be lead by the journey.It did not disappoint.

There’s actually probably too much to tell, wholesome, inspiring, a bit messy, very silly. I did find myself experiencing the discomfort of feeling like I didn’t fit in. I guess I still have some social anxiety here. Which for me, when mixed with party vibes and alcohol can become a self fulfilling recipe for disaster, being excited makes it as risky as feeling sad. Any intense feeling is heightened along with the pressure not to fuck up and fall into old patterns. Which of course, I did. Well, I gently revisited them.

I should have gone to bed. I had no business still being up and trying to carry on at 3 am but I had it in my head we were to watch a particular person’s set together, it was getting later/earlier and suddenly I couldn’t find Panda, I stumbled around looking for her and eventually found her in the sauna where I proceeded in my inebriated state to loudly tell her I had been looking for her. For context she was naked. She said ‘ Kate, It’s not ok that you are shouting at me right now (valid); I said ‘I wasn’t shouting’.

I didn’t think I was but I am always pretty loud and I probably was, just not (I  believed) with any anger or emotion that would warrant shouting. I stepped back and put my foot in a bucket of water, which immediately brought me back to myself. Very humbling. I should have been in bed, what was I even doing? Time to go.

I awoke with a familiar shame I hadn’t revisited since my messier youthful days. an old story tried to tell itself I had lost control and ruined it for everyone. Rather than lay in my hangxiety until Panda awoke and repairs could begin, I walked out to find a tree and talk to it about my learnings of my nature. I came back and heard a dog friend outside so went to play with her and wait for time to pass with achingly slow pace. This lead to me conversing and being held by 5 or 6 different people I had made connections with. My next day shamies brought to light and made less terrifying. We are human, I was carrying a lot, it would be ok. We shared in our mouldiness with stories of growth and understanding, drank tea, played with the dog some more.

Eventually Panda awoke and repair was made. We have grown enough together and separately as humans we are both good at accountability and communication. She forgave me, of course but will probably tease me about ‘bucket karma’ forever.

Mannaz is the rune of humanity, of ego and shared human nature. And here I was right up in mine. The rupture and repair needed was clear as dawn to me. It felt healing because I haven’t experienced the ‘repair’ much in my life.

An undercurrent of the transitioning relationship with my mother was also present. She had chosen to respond to my earlier message while I was away. I saw the message land and the preview on my home screen told me enough. She had not been able to hear me and taken a defensive path. I suspected there was a lot of venom in there. I don’t believe I needed to suffer that in the moment I was in, I asked my partners and my Panda to be my council. Would they read it for me first and help me determine what I was to do? If it was all meant to wound me I didn’t want to let it. They consented. I left them to read it and discuss, when I came back they confirmed what I had suspected. Gave me the shorthand and unanimously agreed I didn’t need to read it. I knew enough of what it said and had already understood what that meant for our path.

Though it is sad, I felt so held and loved by these three it balanced it out. My humanity and messines the night before coinciding with all of this holdng. It rewired my brain and system around love and relationships. So beautifully we held and witnessed each other. Creating space and gratitude for the feelings it brought up in all of us. We took some time to soften. It was ‘prom night’ Panda and I slow danced like teenagers at a community centre disco, we lay in a human heap and watched cabaret together. Human’s man, so varied, complex, flawed and loveable.

Laguz

Laguz is the rune of water. The depths of our emotions, the interconnectedness of all things through water, the flow of life being gentle or raging. For my Norse ancestors it also brought trade and opportunity. something you can move both upon and through. Flow is necessary for life to exist we cannot live without it nor can we stay in it for too long.

After all the birthday excitement and growth I felt raw from feeling all the feelings. I had let a lot flow out of me, some of it I had been carrying my whole life. I settled back into work rhythms aware that thy too are shifting, come October my routines were set to look very different, less childcare, more time for Rewylding and stepping off the ledge (dock) into different currents. My birthday storm arrived, one of the great joys of a mid July birthday. I danced in the rain and let it cleanse away some of the lingering ichor.

I caught a little stomach bug from the children. Not too bad but not fun either, a nudge from my system to slow down. Sickness for me comes with the added financial concerns as I do live so close to the line, more concerning as I we get closer to my first winter in a while with dramatically less coming in. Once more I am asked to lean into trust that it will all work out if I just let it flow. I am a highly sensitive person, I am 70% feelings the rest is hair. And I had been doing so much feeling. A chance to stop and land for a moment was needed.

While regaining my strength I visited my Grandmother Oak to share with her all of my musings. To ground on land for a few hours. Sitting with her I became aware of how tired I have been feeling.

Also not hugely joyful, content yes but not overjoyed. My capacity to hold so much means I can easily become saturated. It is tiring. No wonder I was tired she told me. I put down some of the weight I had been carrying, all of the ways I was pushing against the tide. Laguz reminded me to let go of trying to steer it for now. Let the current carry me a little. Rest. It felt counterintuitive but I also know I am capable of succumbing to burnout.

As soon as this was realised I was given an opportunity to embrace that flow, got a lift into town to have a few chilled drinks with some friends and a lift home again. Low effort, no pressure, simple and buoying. life can’t all be work and feeling feelings, you still have to come up for air.

Inguz

Inguz is the rune of completion and also of seed. As the summer turned to thoughts of harvest I was integrating all that had come through the previous weeks of this journey. I leant into busier days with little people. Enjoying the comfort of being with more found family. I found I needed to rest some more, spicy little people can be tiring, drawing my energy and focus on only the things directly in front of me. The most important of those being officiating a wedding.

Now, I appreciate this feels counterintuitive to resting, having another big scary thing to do. I loathe feeling perceived and I am not a strong public speaker but the honour of being asked by my friend for the reasons I was, is so great, it outweighed all of my big human fears. We had co-created the vows and the ritual over months leading up. To take place on their family land on top of the hill overlooking the Moor. I had all the work planned, prepped. I knew I could had support and could do it, I just had to trust that, RIGHT? I couldn’t see past this event in my diary. Can’t plan anything after because it takes up so much. I have to do a lot of extra work so my anxious brain doesn’t start to spiral.

When sitting with Ing deep breathing through a small wave of panic, I saw the pattern of my summer and my life before that, seasonal, cyclical. Growing, blooming, transforming (the spiral outward), being fertilized by experiences and connection with others, fruiting, harvesting, returning to the dark (the spiral inward) dying/ gestating to be reborn again come spring. This late summer, hill-top wedding a culmination of so much of my ‘work’ as a human, a witch, priestess and member of my community. I wasn’t going to fuck it up because I was made for it. I just had to let my human fears exist alongside the knowing that it would turn out as it was meant to be. On the day I had butterflies, but as soon as I stepped into my role it was easy. Not performative, just walking the truth of what our intention was and why I was there, holding the circle, supporting my friends over this threshold in front of their families, land spirits and Gods. It was beautiful and sweet. My Partners excitedly wanted me to take this up as another string to my bow. No thank you, it was only for this occasion because of my connection with these two humans. Well, Never say never I guess but I am also, already very busy.

After the wedding I did feel a sense of completion. Perhaps that centre point of the spiral before winding down again. I slept so well after and because I hadn’t booked anything in I felt my system relax. I felt called to return to my body and practices, I had been in my head to long. I can do it, but after a while I feel disassociated. I move better from bottom up, rather than top down action. It felt like relief. Nothing to do for a while.

Othila

I can hear the god’s laughing as I type this out. The patterns I didn’t see when I wrote my notes now very obvious as I revisit them. There I was softening after my growing. And here comes a little test to see if you learnt from it.

Othila is the rune of family, ancestry bonds and inheritance. I have been musing on it’s symbology and I see it like a circle or boundary, the way land is divided and allocated. the bonds between family creating the circle or tribe, including ancestors. The ‘inheritance’ can be physical, land and homestead related, tribal as in with cultures and traditions that keep you in the circle or as traits, strengths, wounds, karma.

I was feeling pretty light going into the week. Then I receive a call from my brother. My mother had been taken into hospital. She’s ok, she has ongoing health issues and they just needed to be sure it wasn’t something more serious.

This fresh distance in my family dynamic was about to be tested. Was I about to fall back into the old expected role of dropping everything of mine to handle this? The inherited pattern and generational curse I had said no to.

My mum has a little dog and arrangements had to be made for him, I don’t know what I was being asked to do but I live in a tiny box with a cat, on someone else’s land… and I am self employed, I literally cannot take him. My brother has 4 children. The dog also would be very anxious and his well-being is most important. I did step in and arrange for his dogwalker to come and get him (because I was the one who set up the dog walker in the first place), and a key to be tracked down for her. That was as much as I was able or willing to do.

Had I been given a heads up this was going to happen, I don’t think I would have expected to be so calm about it. It did leave me with some feelings to navigate but not overwhelming. I could see I’d broken the chain through this experience. Could I finally discover my own life free of the old patterns of the women who came before me about what I ‘should’ be doing. To be boundary-less and martyr myself?

Then came the full moon, I prepared my rituals and set about releasing the old stories with love. It accured to me. The parentified child, from a young age I learnt that in order to stay as safe as I could (still wasn’t safe) I had to manage the emotions of others, which later became taking on roles and responsibilities, emotional labour etc, all while being criticised consistently about who I am and how I move through the world. I was expected to do all the things and be grateful for it. An experience I hear mother’s speak to often. But the thing is, I chose not to have children for many reasons, one of them being I need to put myself first. This turning point for me, different to the women who came before is that I can break the chain. By not continuing to have to parent. I am not a parent. Ok, I had to learn to parent myself, that was a whole couple of years. And I am a pedagogue, I have a lot of nurturing and mothering in me but it is meant to be my choice.

This blew my shit wide open. I can start taking the steps to a life that is mine, for me. yes I still have roles, responsibilities, dreams, goals but no longer expected to drop it all to serve others I can serve better from a place of consent. This lead me to wanting to leave behind the old patterns that had been constructed during those years. I began the journey of giving up smoking. (I’ve done it a few times in my life and it has stuck longer each time) and I booked a hypnotherapy session to get right to the rewiring.

Dagaz

So here we are, the final Rune of the Elder Futhark. Pleasingly a year and week since I started (though it took another year to get it to you, classic ADHD). Dagaz is dawn, or day. Things being brought to light and all of the usual new beginning vibes that come with solar energies. I love that the last rune is the new beginning. My Norse ancestors counted their days evening to evening.

For my final week I had given up smoking, wanting to release it for many reasons but also because it is the last of the patterning left from my abusive step-father. I took it up to spite him after he accused me of doing so on my 13th birthday (I didn’t) and struck me in front of my friends for lying. If he was going to punish me then I might as well do it. This logic lead me down a very dark path for someone so young. What was left now was too easy a trap with substances.

The hypnotherapy was amazing on so many levels, it is the sort of thing my system really responds to. I struggle to let myself feel held because it isn’t a light task to undertake, it requires experienced hands. So just the fact I booked it and was able to let myself lean into it unlocked a lot.

My reflections at the end of this journey, in the light of this new day were firstly, “what a ride” and also, “that is some powerful shit”. My relationship with runes feels alive now. I will of course, continue to learn and journey with them, as with all things I will deepen this relationship. I can see the unfolding and understanding of myself alongside them. How their insights and messages guided me. I was/am transformed and my how I have levelled up.

I hope you’ve found some wisdom in my ramblings Darlings, perhaps it will inspire you to take up this path for yourself. I would highly recommend it. I will even be selling some handcrafted runes of my own in due time.

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