A Valentines rant on love, romance and choosing a partner.

This is a subject close to my heart. First of all. Fuck valentines day and it’s mass-consumerist, conditioned hetero bullshit! If you’re into it that’s absolutely fine. This article might not be for you though.

Personally, I want romance spontaneously. Intimate moments like making me tea in the morning, jumping my bones when I’m doing the washing up and sending random ferret memes so I know I’m thought of. Maybe the odd bunch of flowers (though pizza goes down better). If the only romance you get or give is once a year because the shops pressure you into it; then what the actual fuck are you doing?! Some people aren’t romantic, maybe valentines day is the only time you feel like doing so. If so, fair enough I guess. Each to their own.

If you’re single good for you. Do not settle for less just because this day of the year (maybe) makes you feel like an outcast. I have thrown many an anti-valentines party, some bitter some not. If you want some, I will gladly offer ideas.

Much like many high Street posters and websites; Some witches will be pushing love spells and tarot readings at this time of year. Not me my darlings, oh no. I’m all about the self love. First of all, trying to affect a person’s free will is never, ever, a good idea. Why would you want someone that didn’t choose you? There are some spells which might be more appropriate.

Me, myself and I

Valentines day falls just after Imbolc, where we are beginning to look ahead for spring, planting ideas and goals for the year ahead. Maybe this does involve seeking or improving a relationship for you. It’s a good time for divination and working out exactly what you want. My advice is always ‘you get what you settle for’. Too often, we compromise our standards because of the potential we see. Or,because 1 positive thing seems so awesome, we overlook red flags or give up seeking all the things you also want.

If you create the time to think about what’s important to you (in relation to anything not just relationships) it is easier to ask for it. You could create a ritual and ask for divine assistance. Do remember to be careful what you wish for. Be specific and clear. (you can read more on that Here) this will also allow you to walk away from things that don’t fit your needs with certainty.

Another point I’d like to make, for anyone that needs to hear it right now…if a relationship is really hard in the beginning (and I speak from personal experience here), it’s unlikely to get any easier. How much of yourself are you willing to give up? Is it worth it? Are you trying to force something that isn’t meant for you? If so, save yourself more hurt in the long run now.

I am not anti-relationships. I am definately not anti-romance but I am anti- doing shit because you feel like you should, especially if it doesn’t bring you joy. Life is too short for doing shit because you ‘should’ (I have another little rant here on the toxic nature of ‘should’). Be brave my darlings. Be clear about what you want and don’t want in life and the universe will reward you. There is nothing another person can give that you can’t give yourself (even that😉) and you don’t have to settle for anything less than awesome. By holding space for the wrong person, you will stop yourself from finding the right one, a lesson I learnt the hard way.

I have been madly in love and it was addictive. The passion, the excitement… The drama, the heartache. This was my perceived idea of what love was based on all the messages I received growing up from media and the adults around me. Look at all the romance films with the -will they, won’t they’ narrative, lack of consent and boundaries etc T-shirts that say ‘he’s my joker, She’s my Harley’ and the glorification of toxic relationships. I will not be doing that again. I wanted a healthy love a respectful love with a person who shared my goals and morals. As soon as I recognised what it was I valued, I was able to manifest it. There is so much love available. I will take it without the madness thank you.

As I have grown I have opened my eyes and my heart to the idea that love and relationships can be literally anything that feels right to you. I find my self repulsed by the narrative surrounding valentines day. Especially the conditioning that comes with it and how early that starts with children. I am also aware of how these messages subscribe to the conditioned monogamy and heteronormative messages that get shoved down our throats. Romance and intimacy is different for everyone. The message that to be alone for valentines day means there is something wrong with you really boils my blood. Also, that you need to be spending money on this one day to show your love for another (or multiple others) otherwise you don’t love them. The competitiveness that stems from it and the pressure and anxiety it brings just feels unnecessary.

While we’re here, and I’m in my ranty flow. Can we also discuss the introduction of ‘steak and blowjob’ day that has risen in recent years. If you haven’t come across this yet (lucky you). It was introduced by men who felt they were pressured into being romantic for their female partners and want to balance it out so created this day in March. The idea that there is a gendered romance narrative is baffling. like, excuse me, your internalised misogyny is showing. The whole thing is construct anyway. Ok it was satire to begin with (I hope) but people do appear to be signing up for this tit-for-tat nonsense. I have a lot of rants in me about toxic gender norms, capitalist influences on how we perceive relationships and the heteronormative conditioning that runs rampant but I will save those for another day.

Be brave my darlings. Don’t settle. You only get this life and only you can create the one you deserve.

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Peace out witches!

Love Kate xxx