The Life,Musings and Experiences of a Modern Witch

Greetings Darlings, merry meet. I’ll get straight into it. I haven’t had the energy or been in the right space to create much new content for here. This website serves as an ongoing BOS for me and it has all the basics to help people get started. It is my intention to keep adding to it and I will. It’s been an interesting few years to say the least. If you’ve missed out you can catch up with some of it here and here. Life has been A LOT.

Now that I’m starting to settle into my new path, things are opening up again for me. I felt called to expand my knowledge and work with Runes, seeing as I have a lot more time on my own now. I’ve studied a little and used them in sigils, amulets, and charms for years but one day a few weeks ago, I had a really strong calling to journey with them on a deeper level, something so many have done before me. Now is a time for expansion for me in many ways so I listened. I went to visit my friends at Stag and Seer to see what they had in stock. No runes available I wanted to buy but a beautiful book: Wild Soul Runes by Lara Veleda Vester. I picked it up and flicked through, immediately landing on the ‘crafting your own runes’ page. So that what was that. Also, Most of the rune books I have encountered have been written by men (nothing wrong with that) I was drawn in by the flow of this book and guided towards your own translations rather than learning someone else’s definition. I love how organic this journey has been so far already.

I gathered my materials and crafted a ritual to awaken and honour them. This post is going to be a record of what I learn as I journey with each one, just my personal journey as I experience it. Not a guide or something instructional. You can follow along using the subscribe button and I will endeavour to keep at it because I’d like to bring some of my focus back to working on here. So come along with me and let’s see what I learn.

The 24 Runes are given in 3 sets or Aetts each belonging to a different Deity. The progression through the runes in itself is seen as a journey to greater actualisation.

Freyja’s Aett

Freyr Freyja’s Aett feels nurturing to me already. I’ve been a devotee of hers since I was a teenager. I trust her guidance and wisdom whole heartedly and feel safe in this energy. A good place to start. It is said that these runes represent the things that happen in the physical world. I also seeing a correspondence with Maiden, Mother/lover and Crone.

Fehu

This week has been mind blowing already. From getting stuck in dream loop, (of which the message seemed to be that I need to use my sight better) to expansion in my goals, relationships and mindset. Fehu represents abundance. In modern terms we often think of abundance as work, career; how we earn our money. Fehu speaks of cattle, which our ancestors would have equated to wealth. That’s the point of abundance, not only having enough to survive but to thrive and grow. She spoke to me of the ripening fruit and crops of Lammas Tide.

I walked the land and was shown the abundance of life out here. Small creatures, fresh to the world gaining strength and experience. Squirrels storing away ample abundance to get them though winter as we are thinking the same thing. The abundance of medicine available. The word ‘satiated’ came to me often. That’s a feeling I haven’t felt in a while so I brought my reflections to it. I don’t need a lot in this life to be happy but a regulated nervous system is something important to me. A thing that you can’t have in a ‘lack’ mentality. I’ve trained myself to be grateful for what I have, to surrender and find acceptance to be happy with very little.

But now a hunger has awoke in me. To feel an abundance in many areas, particularly in relation to relationship, touch and experiences. I’ve been talking for a while about how I am calling in a life of softness and pleasure. That I used to struggle to receive and my recent struggles blew that apart. Is this the next level of learning to receive? Not just the scraps I am offered but to seek with hunger and receive the fruits of my labour. Gods know I have laboured. We know that pleasure guides us to our favourite selves. I taught myself to live off very little and be happy enough because part of me didn’t think I would have a chance to experience more. Fehu has shown me it is time to feast upon the efforts of my past selves. Enjoy it and remember that it is finite, one way or the other.

I took this on board and BOOM! it feels like all my hens have come home to roost. It’s early days yet but fucking hell, what a ride. I also found it very energising I was literally giddy through this week. So, yes, call in abundance with Fehu but respect that to cultivate abundance takes work and time. Yes, welcome abundance, but honour that it is abundance for all things interconnected that will bring expansion. An Abundance of Abundance.

Uruz

I was slightly apprehensive about journeying with Uruz as the energy is “strength’. I am strong and I know what it is to have to find it. The idea that I would be challenged in this area and have to find more was not something I felt overjoyed about (of course, that is what happened).

Uruz speaks of Aurochs, great mega fauna now extinct. Like oxen with big fuck off horns. When we think of strength and these creatures it is easy to go to the strength of battle, of mettle and outward force and action. That is true but strength is also found in owning vulnerability. In knowing when to push forward, when to hold ground and when to retreat.

  The word ‘steadfast’ arrived more than once in this journey. When facing challenges and discord, the strength of self confidence, knowing I have what it takes to hold myself through the storm. Also strength of heart, community and having the confidence of knowing you’ve got those big fuck of horns should you need to use them. Knowing you can hold your ground against attack. I don’t have horns but I have the confidence of knowing I am divinely protected by my own past growth and intentions. Like Aurochs, I am finder of new paths and growth. Strong in my reserves and community.

Uruz sang to me of beastly intuition and strength of instinct. Of freedom and virility. I was challenged to be strong and speak up for myself (I don’t like it) to apply my strength of heart and also tend it’s wounds. To lean into my knowing of my own strength and let that guide me through the storm. There is strength required in being brave enough to be soft. To receive gentleness. Uruz brought me back to that knowing and though it was hard (I did have a meltdown this full moon) I learnt so much about my own power here.

Thurisaz

Thurisaz is Thorn the ‘th’ sound. Everything I’ve ever read about it has been about protection. Also, similar in energy to ‘the tower’ in tarot, chaos and destruction being necessary to break through boundaries and build new foundations. Thurisaz can also be masculine energy, virile not unlike a wand or staff. Perhaps ties to some new explorations I’ve been having in connection. (I’ve been dating someone new) I was apprehensive about how this one was going to manifest. Similar to how I felt about Uruz. What was going to come that I needed protection from? Would I need to apply force in defending myself? I was a little on edge to start. This in itself gave me something to explore as I realised through conversations with my therapist that I am always ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop’. Like, I can’t fully lean into joy and pleasure because I have learnt it always comes with a shadow side. Something I have been intentionally working on. Expanding my window of tolerance for receiving these things.

However, this journey was pretty gentle and left me much more to explore around myself and what this rune sings of to me. Thurisaz is the thorn, it has bite but it is also passive resistance. As I deepened into this week was still reeling from the week before. I had some thinking to do about my own boundaries and walls. I am much more practiced at boundaries these days but for the first time in a while, I am having to trust in the work I’ve done so far around being authentically myself and not masking. Advocating for my body with someone new (it’s going well so far should you want to know). I had been finding myself searching for why it must be to good to be true and not letting myself fully relax.

As I journeyed with Thurisaz, it spoke to me of trusting in my defences. Trusting that I am protected already. That passive defence of just existing as I do. Trusting that should attack come, I’ve already grown these protections. Not to mention being divinely protected. I know I’m on the right path.

I had a dream I had planted a dog rose in my new garden. I had a beautiful one that came through the hedge in my old home. In this dream I was sat talking to her in this new place I will have the honour of co-curating and tending, I was watching her grow and take shape. Winding her way through fencing and making a wall of powerful medicine. She spoke to me of the strength of having faith in your ability to be delicate, powerful and thorny ,as you grow. It’s about growing not always winning battles.

Confused as to my interpretations on this Journey I sought out a person who knows much more than I about these things. They helped me see how Thurisaz can be about power and the focusing of intention into a point. Is this what the future dog rose was trying to tell me? They also told me to look deeper into the Jotnar. In norse mythology they are a different race, often referred to as ‘giants’. I had heard of them and of the Thursar (different giants). The latter particularly around Thurisaz. Through our conversations my wiser more studious friend told me they don’t understand why the word ‘Giant’ is used and perhaps we put our own spin on it because of the stories of giants form our celtic mythology. They see them more as elemental spirits. In my musings around this I was brought back to the connections I have with plants and land spirits. Lovingly referred to as ‘more than human kin’. This is what Rose is to me, perhaps it was the greatness, this ‘more than’ element that became translated as giant. In the stories these beings are catalysts, antagonists, chaos, trickster, destruction and creation. The shadow and grey area to the light. I will feel into this more but at the moment I feel like I’m on the tip of understanding something beyond what I walked into this journey with. Something about my own power and how to apply it as I grow. Whatever it is, it feels expansive and fills me with wonder.

I know I will be continuing to deepen into my understanding of runes like so many before me. There isn’t a final destination to any of this. So far, Thurisaz gave me a lot of brain and soul food to chew on for a moment. I look forward to seeing where this takes me.

Ansuz

Ok, this week blew me a way a little. Actually it was more than a week as I realised I wanted to sit with this one a little longer as I went through it. Ansuz has always felt a bit mysterious to me. My understanding of it until now being Divinity/wisdom and how that presents itself. Be it in the runes itself, the story of Odin and the Ash tree or more like communication of wisdom. Kind of similar to how I feel about Mercury energy. What I came to understand through this journey is hard to put into words, which says a lot in itself. To me Ansuz sang of ‘God breath’. The power of speaking something into existence. Much like how I feel about the word ‘spell’ and how the power is in the speaking part of it. The alchemy of thought, breath, sound and the meaning conveyed to pass on knowledge, wisdom or to bring something into being.

During this week I attended a game butchery and tanning workshop. The concept of having something taught to me is something I do struggle with because of the RSD. The beautiful thing about this workshop was that it was being offered by people who have all this knowledge and wisdom that just pours out of them. Their values align with mine, the subject is what I consider ‘ancestral wisdom’. I felt the presence of divinity keenly as I worked on these skills under kind tutelage. It came through for me in reflection later that the passing of this information through spoken language was mind blowing in itself. That I was only able to retain any of it because these people took great effort to create a container in which I felt comfortable to be authentically myself, a novice and an adult with additional needs.

There was an element of divinity in engaging with death in this way too. Learning to skin and tan. Ensuring the animal was honoured and gaining this ancestral knowledge in such a way felt right.

Later meditations brought the concept of divine consciousness. The will to acquire wisdom, grow beyond our current knowing. Becoming awakened by the words and wisdoms of others including the voices of our more than human skill. Is this Divinity? All breathing it in, transmuting it through sound, or colour or scent. Giving names to things before unknown as with the runes themselves and the stories expressed through their symbols (it all gets a bit mind blowingly meta here) Ansuz sang to me of following that life/breath connection that brings about all life through union. What sets us apart as divine? Is it the self awareness that we are consciousness and therefore seek that expansion and to share it? The divine art of the silver tongued pedagogue, priestess, poet or bard. How wisdom has been passed for centuries through these mediums. As Odin himself is said to have. My brain hurts now.

Raido

Raido seemed pretty straight forward at first but then I began to unravel a bit as I journeyed with it (again the meta side of things blows my brain apart) Raido speaks of a journey. It could be physically going on a journey. The ins and outs of planning, seeing an adventure through and reflecting upon it and all the lessons afterwards. But for me, It was about the journey of life. Something I try to embrace often . An ex told me once, when ending our relationship, that they “didn’t sign up for a journey. To which my internal response was, “bitch, I am the journey”. Life is a journey, relationships are a journey. Every quest I have ever set myself upon has woven into my journey in this world even this ‘rune journey’. Sometimes it does feel like a quest I am embarking on but always with the awareness that things will unfold as they are meant to and there is never really a final destination as I will always be deepening into the lessons and understanding.

When mediating with Raido I was reminded of a narrative I already have; The pursuit of the white stag. In Celtic folklore the Stag represents divinity, spiritual enlightenment, wisdom and other ethereal gifts. The hunt itself is a spiritual practice in honouring our connection with nature as part of it not separate from it. In previous meditation journeys I have been shown this stag, been the hunter, the stag and the forest. When exploring Raido the same sentiment came through. The elements required to make the journey, a road, a mode of transport, supplies, a sense of direction, the will and energy can all be found within myself or offered from other sources. The journey itself is often the important part rather than the destination. To me Raido sang of questing, adventure, growth and transformation, of self care and prior preparation. Also of giving gratitude for the things that make the journey easier be it support, the energy exchange of sacrifice and honouring death, beasts of burden, the seeds of invention from the desire for an easier journey, the lessons learnt through hardship and failure as well as the easy parts.

This week was very reflective for me. I’ve been on quite the journey this year alone. I found myself looking back through old journal entries with a new perspective. It helped close a wound that opened up when I was evicted. The journey I knew I wanted to embark on but wouldn’t have chosen without a push. I had a lot of gratitude in me for getting me through it so I crafted a ritual for Mabon which included the honouring of this journey as far as i’ve come and as far as I have to go still.

Kennaz

Straight off the back of one expansive week of realisations and into another. Kennaz is another one I was slightly trepidatious about. Alright, very trepidatious. If you’ve been here a while you will know that my journey to who I am has not been an easy one. I put a lot of effort into shadow work to heal and break free of toxic patterns and cycles. Through this work I became familiar with Kennaz. It helped me find acceptance for the struggles I overcame. Previously, Kennaz represented to me the torch in the darkness. The acquisition of wisdom and healing by making it through the dark. Using what I have learnt to be a light for others is something that helps me find peace with the pain I endured.

I am also a devotee of Hekate who is a torch in the darkness. She is keeper of keys, crossroads, mysterious and wisdom. I was concerned this journey was going to bring more things to endure. That is not what happened, I was given a new perspective on Kennaz. The flame itself.

I had spent so much time focusing on the purpose of the torch I had never thought on where that light comes from? This came through so clearly in my first mediation as ‘creative life source energy’ what some use the word ‘kundalini’ to describe. The fire in each of us. The spark of inspiration, life or passion. It can be fed, protected or snuffed out. It is this energy i am drawn to in others, that I cultivate in myself. It already shines and guides others. In my meditation I became aware of the need for darkness in order to begin to appreciate this power, this gift.

In my day to day life, I felt my shine start to come back. The work I had done the week before had shifted something. My relationships feel like they are expanding as does my perspective on my situation. Where I was feeling sadness and hardship I now see purpose and transmutation. recognising the temporary discomfort which needed to happen to lead me here.

Gebo

Gebo is another rune I considered myself fairly familiar with (until now). Gebo is gift. The reason we put an ‘x’ as a kiss is actually Gebo, which I love. When meditating with this rune I became aware of why we gift things to each other. As an expression of love, celebration, to win favour or honour hospitality, something that was very important for our ancestors and continues somewhat unconsciously in modern society for example when invited to dinner we do not come empty handed. Gifts can be blessings like with new homes, weddings, birthdays and new babies. In modern times we think of gifts as tangible things, and though that can be true with Gebo; It sang to me of the other gifts harder to perceive. Friendship, tribe, the gift of someone taking time to understand your journey, listening and loving. The unique gifts we each have in this life that, when offered in acts of service are so, so powerful. It had me reflect on what my unique gifts are and how I feel dutybound to give it, I don’t question this I just follow what feels right. I have had to learn to be boundaried around this though. It is not a gift if the other feels entitled to it or takes it with coercion or force.

Love is often brought to mind with Gebo. Another thing we often put human restraints around when in fact love itself is an energy. In my day-to-day life this element of gifting came through in a big way. I realised my feelings towards the new someone I have been dating have intensified. Which freaked me out a bit. My old pattern would have been to over analyse, try and hold myself back with logic and fear of old wounds being poked at. But I was already cracked open by this rune. It would be unhospitable to deny myself the exploration of this gift. I just had to see it as a gift. (the trojan horse was a gift!). And so I was brave and chose a different path to my previous patterning and voiced my current position. The reciprocity of feeling is there and so the gift of shared journeying together is another gift I get to hold and treasure for however long it stays. I get to pour some of this gift into everything else I do. At the same time, my existing relationship was going through some entirely separate challenges which triggered another RSD episode, Having NRE and ERE running at the same time is a lot, the oscillation between fear, dysregulation, excitement, relief and so much love was a lot to embody and yet I did. because I knew it is all in service to expanding my capability to embody and express love. Which had me question, is Gebo love? Is it energy exchange that is sometimes described as love? Or given/received with love. When a person is struggling to feed themselves and we share our stores with them, this is love. We gift our time and energy to support others, this is love. Even the value and protection of wild spaces and tiny creatures comes from love. It’s not just about what humans gift to each other. It’s about using power and privilege in loving service to the energy of other. What makes it a gift? That is given from a place of love? Is it the intention?

This brought me to the reciprocity element of Gebo. I have a phrase I often use when someone is expressing gratitude but feels like they have to give me something they don’t have in return for my help and that is always “pay it forward”. When the opportunity arises to do the same for another, do so. I also jokingly like saying “please leave an offering at your nearest tree”. I do not need to be paid in money, though if that is what people prefer I put it to good use. The reciprocity can be energetic and that energy may be better given to the land spirits, gods, ancestors and more than human kin. For this is where my gifts came from in the first place.

This understanding came through loudly as I took to the land in search of clues. The reciprocity of the life source energy gifted to us for our growth and survival, now fading with the harvest season. We seem to forget that energy can’t be destroyed or lost, only transmuted into something else. The energy itself is a gift, we honour and give thanks for that gift by leaving offerings and adding our own energy with ritual but also by accepting it and living, we continue being the gift… my brain hurts with the meta-awareness of it but my heart and soul know I didn’t need words, I already felt this.

Much to ponder on here. The fact that Gebo precedes Wunjo, the rune of joy, speaks to something too. I’m sure I’ll find out. Expanding one’s window of tolerance of receiving of gifts and joy is uncomfortable but I’m here for it (she says boldly).

Wunjo

Wunjo is the rune of joy. Something I have been trying to expand my window of tolerance for. After a really positive experience with Gebo, I was open but as usual, a bit nervous of what may come up. In my day to day life, things took a turn immediately with a challenge. What felt to me like a battle I had to face with my own triggers, RSD, and old wounds. There was part of me that could have taken the other fork in the road and sat this one out, but that’s not me.

I won’t go into great detail here but it I was given a choice to push through with my head held high, on my own terms or be scared away from pursuing what I want for myself and relationships. When presented with the reality of this decision I became dysregulated. The RSD feels like I am facing a saber tooth tiger. I also became aware I can’t co-regulate with humans through this. It doesnt help. I can however,  allow myself to be supported by nature and my more than human kin. So, I sought their support and received what I needed to bolster myself. Having felt isolated and abandoned by my tribe since I moved, I reached out, of course they were there immediately. I put my armour on and made my battle plan.

Where is the joy in this? You may be asking. So was I. I sat with Wunjo who sang to me of the joy of triumph. There is joy that comes easily and joy that is hard fought. I am already so good at finding joy and gratitude in the darkest of places. I don’t have many experiences of joy in rewiring my brain yet, though it is something I’ve been working on intentionally for several years. Or so I told myself.

In meditation I conversed with a spirit familiar to me. We were sat at his table sharing a bottle of something sweet. Like an old friend I spoke to him of my troubles. The fork in the road and how I had already chosen my path. I explained why I had chosen this, because I want the experiences in the ‘look I did it’ category and I wont be dissuaded from that. How I didn’t feel I had many things in that box. In my vision he laughed. Playfully teasing at what I wasn’t seeing. In an instant I knew of many times I have fought and overcome things just like this. But relief is what I felt, not joy. I do not feel a sense of ‘fuck yeah, I did it’. Even when other people do. I have done it, but have yet to own it. Others celebrate it, he celebrates it, and offers evidence and reassurance that I can overcome so much even if I do not feel brave at the moment. He toasted to me and sent me on my way with the message ‘it is already done’.

When I came back to myself. I journalled and reflected on my reaction to triumph and why it doesn’t translate to joy for me. There is grief, relief, the joy of finally feeling safe or having overcome something being gratitude for having made it through. Pride seems to be what I am missing in it. Another emotion I don’t relate to even when others are proud of me. It doesn’t feel real to me. I chose to extend my journey with Wunjo with this in mind. I asked it to show me more.

This week, I finally got my woodburner fitted. I hadn’t realised how much stress I was holding around this. I was aware it was stressing me out but subconsciously i had boxed it away. Even on the day of installation, I was so anxious. I couldn’t tell myself it would all be OK until it was in. My ‘gavin brain’ was determined to have me believe it wasn’t going to work out. But it did. It’s in, I will be warm. Not only that, but it’s my dream stove. I didn’t settle for something cheaper and poorer quality. My connections in Totnes and all the fundraising I have been doing enabled me to have this beautiful thing.

This I felt joy over. I cried tears of relief and gratitude, noticing that this had been weighing on me more than i realised. That fear that it wouldn’t work out. I noticed I have been conditioned to believe I will not have the things that light me up and I must find acceptance and settle for less. I felt giddy and elated (and fucking warm!).
I recognise that I still have a way to go with experiencing joy as I’m still anxious, afraid I’ll fuck it all up somehow. It doesn’t penetrate all the way but I can work on that. I’m new to it and I have much shadow work left to do. We are approaching Samhain so there is no better time to do it.

The next set of runes for my journey are Heimdells Aett. It feels right that they align with entering the dark half of the year and the cauldron of transformation. My intention is to give myself a break for rest and integration now and bless and activate them on Samhain.

As I am writing this in summer 2025 you can see that it took me a while to come back to it. I have split the journey diary into 3 posts according to their aett, as it was getting a bit long. Again, you can subscribe to keep upto date as I post them.

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