The Life,Musings and Experiences of a Modern Witch

It’s feeling pretty bleak out there at the moment darlings so, I wanted to share some positivity. I’ve been meaning to tell this story for a while and it is not just mine to tell. I hope it brings you some warmth and faith in humanity. Make yourself some tea and settle in…

Once upon a time, about 8 years ago, in the before times, when we were allowed to lick our friends. Before social distancing was a known term it still happened. We could sit next to the same person on public transport everyday and still not get to know them. Talking to strangers seemed abhorrent to some and random acts of kindness were the acts of hippies and beatnik types. I believe in talking to strangers, it’s in my bones, it’s how we learn about the world, broaden our horizons. unfortunately, not everyone is as open minded.

I’ve always been strange (surprise motherfuckers!). I talk to people in que’s, I make friends everywhere I go. Some people think its great, some people think I’m mad (I am mad, all the best people are). My style can be intimidating and confusing; scary goth lady who is actually really friendly. I work with children FFS! It does weed out the shit heads though, I don’t feel the need to maintain connections with judgey, low-vibe bitches.

My confidence in talking to people I don’t know definitely has something to do with being a forces brat; moving around so much you have to get good at making friends. I made friends with a lady in the middle of the moors once, there was no one else around for miles. I was foraging with my (now) ex. We had drifted apart and when he came back I was sharing a rock and some cider with a lady called Anna and talking about dogs, can you imagine?!

Actually, I have so many stories like this, making new friends. As a witch and an empathetic person. I believe every encounter was needed; sometimes for myself, sometimes for the other person but in this particular story I think it was a mutual need.

Insert train pun here

So, about 8 years ago I was on a train coming back from Plymouth. It was standing room only so I was stood close to the doors when I spotted these 2 guys sat near me laughing with each other, they caught my attention I think because they were so joyful. Both older than me by at least 20 years, there was a sense of mischief which always piques my interest. There was a spare seat between them. As the music in my headphones stopped before a new track began I heard one say to the other “well I guess no one wants to sit next to us”. Then I clocked what they were doing; it was pretty much the only seat left and no one would take it because it was in the middle of these two dudes. They were waiting to see if anyone was brave enough to sit with them and chat. I immediately piped up-“I’ll sit with you”.

Perhaps they weren’t expecting the goth to join in but we started chatting straight away. We introduced ourselves, shook hands and I asked where they were heading.

Kirk and Mike were going home, they had been on a daytrip to Plymouth and enjoyed an ocean safari- where you get taken out on a boat to see the wildlife, mostly birds I’d wager. They thought this was very funny, though I still don’t know why. You know when you’ve laughed so much you’re wiping tears from your eyes and making ‘uhuuuur’ noises, that’s where they were at. Then, in true Kate style, I put my foot in it. Thinking I’d met a charming, older, same sex couple I said something like “awww that sounds quite romantic?” I lost them to another fit of laughter for a moment and then Mike looked at Kirk prompting him to explain.

It turns out they were completing a bucket list. Kirk had lost his wife, Beverly, a couple of years earlier. They had planned to do all of these amazing things together and now in her honour, Kirk was doing them. He wrote them all down on slips of paper and put them in a box. Every now and then he pulls one out at random and goes and does it. Writing of it now still brings up such bitter sweet emotions. Sadness for Kirk’s loss. Awe of the love they had. Admiration that he found the strength to turn something so heart breaking into something so beautiful and grateful that he felt he could share his experiences with me.

The safari was one of the bucket list things. I was blown away by the honesty of these people, to be able to just come out and tell a stranger something so personal. I told them I thought it was inspiring and heart warming. We talked about how we felt it was important to talk to strangers on trains. I told them about Totnes, and suggested they should visit one day. We exchanged socials and as it was only a short journey for me, I got off at my stop. As I stood up I realised people had been listening to us, many of them were smiling too.

I didn’t think much more about it. Over a few years, Kirk and I would message each other. He would tell me about his new adventures and ask how I was, often sending me reassurance unexpectedly, at times I needed it most. Like an awesome pen pal or adventurous fairy god person. I found it all very inspiring. The encounter cemented my belief that it doesn’t matter if some people don’t get it; talking kindly to strangers can lead to some inspiring conversations and outlooks on life. Don’t get me wrong I’ve had my share of weird and uncomfortable experiences too (like the dude who worked for shell and spent holidays shooting elephants and eating them!) , maybe I’ll share some at a later date .

but our story doesn’t end there. oh no!

A Test of Faith

So, you have the back story of how Kirk and I met and became friends. I have to go a little off topic here to fully explain the story but it will come back around.

Jump forward a couple of years and you find a slightly more self-aware Kate, now free of some of the toxic relationships which were holding her back, seeking growth and adventures of her own. I had made some massive realisations about myself and was trying to restore my faith in humanity after suffering some pretty awful things from others (which I now acknowledge I was responsible for, I let it happen, I chose those people, I didn’t let go when I should have). I wanted to explore the kindness of others. I believed it existed despite how unkind some people can be. I knew that if the people who had hurt me were capable of doing better they would have. I wanted to show myself, and the world, that you can choose kindness. I wanted to prove I was not naïve for believing this and that other’s (specifically those who told me I was) were just afraid.

My friend had a trial spot at a tattoo studio in Bromsgrove (170 miles from me) and needed some skin. I offered to travel up and sit for them but had no money to get there. Thus presenting the perfect opportunity. I had enough money to get me to Bristol on the off peak trains but the timings wouldn’t work. So, I went on FB and asked if there was anyone I could crash with and explained my plan- To get to Bromsgrove and home again on the power of human kindness, with no money and be back at work for Monday.

Here enters Kirk again. We had exchanged a few messages but didn’t know really each other. Kirk lived about half way between Bristol and Bromsgrove. He offered to pick me up from Bristol and drive me to the tattoo shop. When I told my Mother my plans she was…what’s the word? Flabbergasted? Terrified? She thought it was unsafe. But my mind was set. I had to practice what I preached and trust that Kirk wasn’t an axe murderer.

I will admit I was a little nervous. I didn’t want my Mother to be right, the world to be right. If he did turn out to be a psycho my memorial plaque would read ‘Kate the Goth, who was foolish enough to believe in the kindness of strangers and was chopped into tiny bits by one’. Clearly that didn’t happen.

Kirk met me at Bristol Station in the fanciest car I have ever seen! I was hit with the realisation that Kirk and I were from very different socio-economic backgrounds and simultaneously wished I’d thought to clean my boots. He didn’t care . I explained I had to take a picture of his license plate and send it to my designated ‘I’m about to do something dangerous and if I die this is where I last was’ friend. Kirk explained his friends were worried too. Who the fuck was this random woman?! Must be some random gold digger psycho type. One of them even insisted she come too! I am grateful she didn’t because for 2 hours we had the most amazing conversation. We talked about our family and backgrounds, our stories, ethnicity, struggles, values, mental health, grief and coping mechanisms, all of our adventures and some of the scrapes we had gotten ourselves into along the way. I think we both cried at one point. I will always remember that journey; two people from completely different paths and a 20 something year age gap overcoming our fears (and those of our loved ones) to find meaningful connection.

Kirk told me about his wife, family and his grief with more honesty and trust than I could imagine, especially from a stranger. He has this immeasurable amount of love and compassion. Where others could perhaps be bitter or hardened. It changed me. I was still overcoming so much pain of my own and here was a person who had suffered one of the the worst fates imaginable and was still looking for joy and wonder. I would strive to be a bit more like Kirk, to turn the agony of loss into something beautiful.

I asked Kirk to give me his story in his own words so I could share it with you. Fair warning; Even though I already know it, I still shed some tears reading it again:

Pretty much all of my working career has been spent in IT. In 1986 at the age of 24, I moved from Windsor to a quiet leafy village just outside Malmesbury in Wiltshire to take up a job in Bristol. (It was always a childhood dream of mine to live in the countryside) I met my wife at work and we quickly became friends. Owing to the fact that she had recently moved from London we had something in common being new to the area. A relationship developed and we were married in 1989. We decided to make it a small registry office ceremony with just two witnesses as sadly there was quite some opposition from her family. I was 11 years my wife’s junior and also black. This was ultimately viewed as a disgrace!!
I instantly became a father to a 4 year old who to this day remains not only a loving daughter but my best friend!  We built our life determined to prove the haters & finger pointers wrong despite verbal attempts to discredit my name and intentions. I was guilty of working hard and having dreams but for this I was thought of as less than human. At one point I was even thought to be a drug dealer!! how else could I afford to buy the house I was living in?? I dared to attempt to exit the glass cage I had been confined to all of my life.

My wife witnessed the other side of the fence by marrying me, a side she just could not see or envisage by verbalisation alone. Once the penny dropped she was horrified.. I say this so that you can have an understanding of the measure of the woman she was. Despite challenges from society and her own family she stuck by me and we had 27 incredible years together.
We were blessed and fortunate to have many friends around the globe. In 2014 whilst staying with friends in Austria, Beverley became ill complaining of a headache. We decided to go to the doctors on returning home to ask to be referred as this had gone on for some time. By the time we returned home Beverley was quite ill and eventually the GP decided it was an ear infection. To cut a long painful and distressing experience short, Beverley was admitted to hospital and quickly diagnosed with a stage 4 brain tumour. It was thought they could possibly extend her life by debulking the tumour. Originally they estimated 18 months life expectancy but that changed dramatically after the operation. She had a stroke in the operating theatre and was left paralysed on her left hand side. 18 months was revised to 6 weeks. From that time I never left her side 24/7 until I was able to bring her home to see out her last days in the home she loved.  Beverley passed away at home on the eve of our 25th Wedding anniversary, another cruel blow I felt!!  I laid my lovely wife to rest in September 2014. Missed beyond belief but never forgotten.

Out of this heartbreak I learnt that the material things we had worked hard to acquire amounted to absolutely nothing. Nothing in this life is more important than the relationships we forge with others, material things are just that!! we can’t take them with us when we depart this life. Armed with the philosophy ‘no one is promised tomorrow’ I set about my bucket list. I love people ( especially those who never judge a book by its cover) and different cultures, I’ve been fortunate enough to travel extensively out of it which I’m hoping to resume once Covid has had its day with the human race.

Do you see what I mean?! You could definitely make a film out of it. When Kirk sent this to me, I looked at it with current eyes. We now have a climate where white privilege is something discussed often. Changes are being made slowly but can you imagine the hardship of being an inter-racial couple in the 90’s? How much courage and love Beverly showed. I think Kirk’s inclusion of these details does show the measure of her, the depths of their love and what a supportive relationship they shared.

You guys ok? Do you need a moment? Maybe pop the kettle on again.

As we arrived at our destination, after getting ever so slightly lost, Kirk asked me what time I would be finished. There had been a misunderstanding. Kirk had intended to wait for me and drive me all the way back! As in- wait for me, drive me past his home by an hour, having already done that one way, drop me off and then go back again. Who does that for a stranger?! And in the same question, is it right that I am surprised by this? Should I be surprised by the level of kindness I was being shown? I wished it was normal. I wished I had seen enough kindness in my life that this wasn’t so mind blowing. My session was all day and I had planned to crash with my friend. We hugged and said goodbye.

I walked into the tattoo studio feeling like a badass. I made it, without being dismembered! Take that cynical world and fearful mother! I had succeeded in ways I never thought possible. The Universe was on my side, people can be good and kind and trustworthy. What looked like the beginnings of a murder mystery on paper, turned out to be one of my most treasured experiences. Obviously I took a risk, so did Kirk. We’re not recommending you make plans to get in cars with strangers. But we checked each others vibes and it felt right. This gave us a bit more hope and faith in humanity. All from being willing to talk to a stranger on the train.

Kirk and I still talk regularly now. I wrote this piece during Covid. I was waiting for pictures from kirk to finish it off. Sadly his own health took a turn and it has been too much to dig them out for me. I totally understand that he doesn’t want to put himself in such a raw state when he has to concentrate on getting well. So, I give it to you know, still as poignant, if not more than during the pandemic.

The Return Journey

Kirk and I parted ways that day but my escapades weren’t over. I had to make it back again somehow. I had left return plans fluid. Another lesson I was trying to teach myself. Past Kate would have needed to know every train departure and back up plan in order to feel safe. I was trying to teach myself that everything would work out, you know, the whole faith in the universe thing. Fucking hell did she provide a lesson!

So, I got up very early to catch a cheap train back to Bristol. I met a friend for lunch and a walk around a gallery while we caught up (Bristol is an inspiring city to visit if you ever get the chance by the way). We chatted as we walked to the train station then realised…FUCK! I’d over-dicked it (the word for: when you felt like you had loads of time so you dicked about a bit and then end up being late). There was only 1 train I could afford to get me back home and I was cutting it very fine. I said goodbye and ran (lolloped in my goth boots) to the station.

I reached the turnstile and shouted to the guard asking what platform I needed. He told me I’d never make it. I said “I have to try” and thundered through Bristol Temple Meads Station which is not small by the way! My train was at the platform, I pelted (slightly faster lollop) towards it. As I reached the doors the warning beeps started and there was a guard right there on the train. I shouted “I can make it!” he shouted back “don’t try, its not worth the risk of ending up under the train”. He was right of course.

I watched as the train left the station; sweating, out of breath and now starting to feel anxious. I had to get home to my animals and be back for work on Monday. I could crash with my friend, ask another to stay with the ferrets longer and be late for work Monday if I caught the 5am train but I had literally no money left to buy another ticket.

I told myself “don’t panic, it will be ok, the lesson here was about acceptance and fluidity not it being an easy ride”. I caught my breath and went to leave the station. The guard who had told me I wouldn’t make it, was still at the turnstile. He looked at me and rather than saying ‘I told you so’ asked me where I was heading and began to inform me of the next train time. I explained that I couldn’t get another train that day as I only had an off peak ticket not valid on another train and I didn’t have money for another ticket. He asked to see my ticket, looked me up and down which felt odd at the time. I guess he was trying to work out if I was conning him. At this point I had accepted my fate and was still feeling pretty cheery-It would be ok, still a good adventure.

The guard asked me to follow him (I never got his name) He wrote me a note to give to the guard on the next train. It said I had missed my train because he had given me the wrong platform and to please allow me to get on this one for free. IT ONLY FUCKING WORKED!!!

I wrote about it in my journal grinning and crying like a mental person on the way home. My journey was complete. I know now that I needed to experience human kindness, I was feeling chewed up and spit out by the world and I was given so much hope in those 2 days. The universe (Gods, Ancestors, Spirits etc) had shown me that I was NOT mad or deluded to believe and trust in the kindness of humans, that it was worth putting myself out there again. The universe has my back.

This adventure spurred me on to having even more, I put my fears aside and started taking more risks (past Kate was very risk averse) with the knowledge that no matter what happened, I’d work it out. A couple of weeks later I was travelling through Bristol again. I was going to see one of my favourite bands with more strangers (a dude I met on a dating app and his friend, sorry mum). We had an amazing time, I did not get axe murdered. On the way through I dropped off a thank you note with some origami at the station for the guard who had helped me. I wanted him to know how moved I was by his kindness. I still don’t know if he ever received it but I have a feeling he did.

So there you are my darlings. I will be telling this story when I’m 80. Whenever you look on in horror at the way humans treat each other remember there are still people like Kirk and the train guard in this world. Whenever you feel chewed and spit out, know that there are people who would love to connect with you, who would drive 6 hours for a stranger to help her friend. Whenever you are suffering wounds from one incapable, afraid person (or several) know there are so many people out there who have the courage to be kind. You can be that person to others. It seems ridiculous but you have to be brave to uphold faith in humanity these days. It takes fearlessness to have faith in the universe but if you can find it and lean into, it will always work out.

THE END

I hope you enjoyed our story my witchy darlings, that it inspired some faith in humanity for you. There will be chances to connect again. I guess we will have to decide how much we want that to happen. I for one will be out there meeting and learning about as many people as I can. Connection is my love language and I intend to aggressively love the shit out of humanity!

Peace out witches!

Love Kate (and Kirk) xxx

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